Tiny Little Red Pills

So the other day I was browsing through Reddit, as is my wont, when I stumbled upon this perfect gem of neo-enlightenment thinking. So perfect! So flawed! This snippet should be preserved for future historians, to help them understand this crazy age. I present to you: your perfectly stereotypical – nay – archetypal example of the modern University Educated Leftists mindset:

Anyone else wanting a “Pro Choice, Legalization, Gay Marriage, Scientific, Net Neutrality, Atheist” politician?

Hah! I’ll bet you know twenty of these guys. Which isn’t to say that I disagree with him – far from it. I just think he’s wrong.

However, this does provide the perfect opportunity to dispense a few Red Pills (more like Nerd candies, than Horse Pills), without having to summon up the Spectre of Feminism (I’ve grown temporarily bored with the whole topic, and besides, it’ll all be done with by end of decade).  So let’s break his hopes down, one by one, until nothing but sand remains.

Abortion

Now before I get started on this, could I address my fellow bloggers about this?  You’re listening?  Okay, here’s my request – please stop talking about the morality of abortion! You don’t have anything new to say.  I don’t have anything new to say.  Wiser heads than ours have Debated this topic, and if I’m curious I’ll find the arguments.  Quite frankly, 95% of our opinion is due to squick factor, not reason, and if I visit you to read about economics I don’t want to read about dead babies all of a sudden.

The implications of abortion – discuss those, certainly!  But please, please, please – stay away from the morality of it.  Either I already agree with you or I just don’t care.  It’s in Poor Taste.

*Ahem*

I find it amusing that our Idealistic Indoctrinate brings this up as one of the Six Points.  Correct me if I’m wrong… but has there been a Pro Choice candidate in the past thirty years?  That ship has sailed, and if there’s one thing the history of Conservatism ought to have taught us, it’s that things don’t get less Liberal over time.  Oh, some of ’em’ll talk about it, sure – when the Religious Right gets tired of the Reps and switches to the Dems, they’ll talk about it too – but noone’s going to do anything about it.

Cancel government funding to Planned Parenthood?  Maybe.  But they’ll make it up elsewhere, and Roe vs Wade will never be overturned.

So why does he bring it up?

Look!  There’s a culture war!  Doesn’t matter if we’re trouncing them, they’re so EVIL that they want to take away a woman’s right to choose!  Pick up your arms, brothers!

Heh, nothing like sincere hatred.

Legalization

Take it on faith, brothers – this one isn’t going to happen.

The past three Presidents (at least) have been for using – but legalization is the furthest thing from their mind.  Decriminalization for the Green One, maybe, but never legalization.

Quite simply – drug laws turn the majority of us into Criminal Scum, and they couldn’t be happier with that.  Why do you think MADD is so eager to effectively criminalize alcohol, even when it increases Drunk Driving Deaths?  Because it ain’t about fairness, or justice, or freedom, or utlitarianism – it’s about control.

Stupid People get caught using drugs – and prison guards need jobs.  The only hope for legalization, is if they realize what a great opiate weed is for the unemployed and revolutionary.

Gay Marriage

Go ahead and get married; marry your dog for all I fucking care.  My question for the Simple Scholar is – why do you care?

Spousal insurance rights?  Deathbed decisions?  Okay, I’ll grant you those – though I question why it’s so important that the Government get involved here – but weren’t the Conservatives (those evil, fag hating Conservatives) proposing something called Civil Union?  What’s the difference, exactly?  Why do you care so much about it? Gays have so many rights that they have a parade each year.  They can call it a Marriage, the bureaucrats can call it a Union.  Potato Po-tah-to.

The cons are upset because they think marriage ought to perform the socially function of spreading the pussy around, so that all the Betas get laid, and work hard at their mind-numbing job.  You?  You’re equating this to Human Rights, or something…

Welcome to the 21st century: weird sex is Officially Licensed, drunk sex is an Assault.

Scientific

Funny thing, that Science – officially it’s a method, a process, a routine you apply when you want to figure out why your car won’t start.  But our Enlightened Aristocrat seems to think it’s a Book of Knowledge.

On the one hand, you have Quantum Mechanics, Genetics, Evolution, and even Galileo’s Laws of Motion (created despite government) – on the other, you have Psychology and Global Warming (the ones who’re funded by government).  Hmm – how about we start studying genetics and pre-labelling people for criminality, just so we have a trifecta?

Imagine the beauty of a government which chose to leave science alone all together.  Separation of Church and State didn’t go far enough, if you ask me.

Net Neutrality

So – instead of having greedy Telcos selling their services to us as if it were a cellphone (and throttling free riders like Netflix), you’d rather have a joint task force from the CIA, FBI, and FCC monitoring things?  Here in Canada, it’d be CSIS and the CRTC – and those bastards banned Ren and Stimpy, for Christ’s sake!

Atheist

My friend, they’re all Atheists – the sort who attend church.  I’m afraid they’re much closer to Pol Pot in their views, however, than they are to this fine bunch of Rationalists.

Conclusion

Hmm… I’m smelling a troll.  After considering your Six Points, I suspect you were describing Barack Obama.

But then, Doublethink really is the perfect troll, isn’t it?  Perhaps you’re just a Naive Neophyte after all.  One for the History Books indeed.