LTR Game: Have a Fake Argument

Recently I was acting in a 3-person “art house” project; I won’t bore you with the overall plot, because what I want to bring up is the ad-libbed argument the actress and I were having.  It was a typical domestic argument about everything and nothing, and I was worried going into it that it might engender bad blood between myself and the actress.  Nothing could have been further from the truth.

It started off with her bitching at me about taking the garbage out.  Then I yelled at her for being OCD about cleaning.  Then she called me a lazy bum, who doesn’t take care of the house, and I called her a slut for flirting with the bartender when she got drunk.  On and on it went, escalating and changing topics, both of us hating one another, but unable to escape the dynamic.  Whenever one of us would threaten to leave, the other one would try and have the last word, and everything would start up again.

Incidentally, this is why cops hate domestic disturbances; each partner is furiously at the other, while also being defensive of them.  There’s no way for a cop to come in and be the “Good Guy.”

As I said, I was worried about this souring my relationship with the young lady, but quite the opposite happened: as soon as the cameras stopped rolling we were laughing and joking about the whole thing.  In real life I’ve never had an argument like this; when things become heated, I go cold, so that both of us have a chance to return to the argument when we’re able to act rationally (most of the women I’ve dated have been likewise emotionally mature).  That said, I can understand why so many people get into these situations: there’s something incredibly satisfying about lashing out at somebody you care about.  Knowing that they’re going to stand there and take it is addictive, as their own insults drive you to lash out even harder; and vice versa, of course.  It’s a positive-feedback loop of escalating tensions, that demands some sort of resolution.

So here’s my weekend suggestion for any of you who are in a long-term relationship: have a fake argument, and then make-up afterwards.  Not only will this give you a chance to have makeup-sex, it will help emphasize the fact that “We don’t want to be one of those couples!” It’s like a video game – it’s thrilling to play a survival horror, but you’d never want to be in the situation in real life.  By arguing over something that didn’t happen, you’ll catch yourself if you ever start to argue over something that did happen.

A few caveats:

• Don’t do this unless your relationship is on solid grounds.  It absolutely must not be about something that’s actually a problem.  Manufacture a conflict; yell at her for getting a non-existent parking ticket, yell at him for flirting with your non-existent sister, whatever.
• If a real-world issue does intrude into the argument, immediately calm down and say “That was hurtful.” When you’re roleplaying like this, it’s surprisingly easy to go from 60 to zero, just make sure that you do.
• Don’t do it where you might get attention from neighbours; the last thing you want to have is for the cops to show up.  Chances are that they’ll leave you alone, but there’s a slim possibility that you might get shot.  Don’t risk it.
• And don’t let it turn physical. “Non-lethal violence” is a chimera; any sort of physical confrontation can accidentally turn lethal, and this isn’t something you’d want to risk with a person you care about.

And keep in mind, advice should always be taken with a grain of salt.  Maybe I have an easier time slipping in-and-out of character than you do (all that D&D had to have been good for something), maybe there are some issues that you haven’t resolved, maybe one of you grew up in an abusive household and even a fake argument will be too much, or maybe I’m just an idiot.  That’s certainly a possibility.

In day-to-day life, you should strive to act like an adult, but the occasional bout of childishness will serve to strengthen your bonds.

ͼ-Ѻ-ͽ

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