How Women Price Themselves out of Relationships

A recent viral video came to my attention, “20 vs 1: Speed Dating 20 Guys” in which a girl named Sofia demonstrated why women stay single:

In it she demanded that the men meet five standards:

1. Do you like to party, drink, and dance?  Club, not ballroom.
2. Will you choke me during sex?  No foot fetishes though.
3. Are you over 5’10”?  You need to be taller than me in my heels.
4. I don’t want kids in the next 7 years.
5. You have to be older than me (26).

Her final thoughts?  That her standards were higher than she thought, but: “These are values that I don’t want to bend or change right now.” When one of the final participants commented: “You’re going to be single for a while,” she gasped in shock, stating: “Well that was rude.” Perhaps – but it’s the truth.  While some of her standards are reasonable, the absolutist nature in which she states them – no room for compromise, or exceptions for candidates with other winning attributes – is guaranteeing a lonely future for her.

On the one hand, this video can be summarily dismissed.  It’s no more scientific than the constructed reality of Reality TV.  She’s a party girl, who’s not interested in loyalty in the first place.  The producers intentionally brought a bunch of younger men in, even though women typically prefer men that are older.  As to the whole odd, text-messaging, woman-on-a-pedestal, autistic setup of the thing – no more comment needed.  I will grant, this is anecdote not evidence.  But on the other hand, her entitled attitude is endemic amongst the modern female population.

Dating apps distort reality.  Not only are women inundated with attention, all of the communication is squeezed down into text message form – the 90% of language which is non-verbal is lost, as is reciprocity and subconscious attraction triggers.  There are three problems with this:

1. Women don’t realize that not all attention is equal.  Most of the messages they received were composed while the guy was sitting on the toilet.  100 “pinching a loaf” Likes are worth less than a single look across a crowded room, but women don’t realize this anymore than men, upon receiving a tit pic, realize that she’s sent this same pic to a hundred other guys and that he’s not special.
2. The seemingly endless supply of men creates a “spreadsheet” mentality.  The woman applies a variety of black-and-white heuristic, most of which are universal preferences amongst women (height, fitness, income, looks) creating an elite 20% who receive so much attention in return, that they can never reciprocate it fully.  In real life these preferences would be flexible; on the dating apps they’re absolute.
3. With so many options, the text messaging becomes less about getting to know someone, than keeping her entertained.  After all, there are a hundred other (theoretical) guys out there also vying for her attention.

The end result is a female population that’s endlessly distracted by the Exciting New Thing, and unable to focus long enough to settle down into anything meaningful.  Sex has gone consumerist: endless titillation, a new car that you need, popularity through a soda drink, always chasing and never catching.

Keep them running on the treadmill; it’s how the economy stays viable.

Designing an app which actually resulted in relationships would be easy.  Just add some brakes.  Only allow men to message three women per day; only allow women to respond to five messages per day; force people to actually talk and get to know one another, rather than allowing the shotgun approach to dating.  No one’s going to go for that, however.  The incentives don’t line up.

The average person wants instant gratification.  Hot fast food, hot high-speed porn, and a list of hot, willing partners to right-swipe and fantasize about.  It doesn’t matter than 90% of this is empty calories, and empty self-glorification (one hundred likes on Facebook is worth one IRL compliment of your new shirt); people prefer the virtual aggrandizement of their online persona, rather than engagement with their true self.

The Powers That Be don’t want real relationships.  They want people running around, hopping from one fad to another, chasing their tails on a treadmill as the years slip past them.  The incentives get twisted upside down.  The parts of the relationships which ought to be negotiable become absolutes, while the parts which ought to be absolute become negotiable.

If I had a genie, my first wish would be that ever Western woman would have a dream explaining to them that they aren’t all that.  One hundred messages on Tinder doesn’t mean they’re remotely marriageable.  About 90% of the female population needs to hear the following:

• You’re overweight,
• You dress like garbage,
• You can’t cook,
• You don’t have any loyalty,
• You can’t do laundry,
• You’re nothing but an enormous liability to whatever man you marry, and all you offer is domestic skills which he already has.  Only an idiot would allow you into his life.

My second wish would be that the men would have the same dream, showing them how worthless these women are, while adding:

• You’re a weakling who doesn’t deserve even this,
• Your thirst is exacerbating these problems,
• You need to become the sort of man who deserves the patrimony of his ancestors.

As for my third wish.  I dunno – how about a coke?

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